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| The Nine Types of talkSPORT Listener Are You The Anorak? The Bizarro Psycho? The Stalker? Which one are you? The Anorak? The Bizarro Psycho? The Stalker? And which is the 'real' listener? Step this way for Jason Bourne's lowdown on the vast array of talkSPORT listeners. Listener #1: The Statto This guy can tell you everything about the station, pre-talkSPORT and post-Talk Radio. It's impossible to win an argument against him. He will tell you who has presented the most shows, been at the station the longest and how many cups of tea Ian Collins has drunk ever since the beginning. But does he really care? Listener #2: The All Day-All Night Listener This guy has not missed a show on talkSPORT for 46 years and knows all the presenters first, middle and last names, though he rarely tells people about them. He prides himself as listening to the station ever since its first test broadcasts as Talk Radio UK. He hates those who listen to the station on the new fangled digital radio as he listens on good old medium wave. He can usually be seen on internet forums moaning about the station (even though they have the best presenter line-up ever) and the "fair-weather listeners" (even though there are eight million people listening to Fisherman's Blues at sic in the morning). Listener #3: The Ignoramus This ancient, primitive type of listener was suspected to be extinct during the 1980s. However, and quite remarkably, it re-emerged when Mike Rutherford and white vans started becoming popular again in the 1990s. Rarely violent, but aggressive, this animal can be heard calling the station about "what's wrong with the country?", shortly before asking what the presenter is called, what station it is, and how to use a phone. Listener #4: The Fair-Weather Listener This listener thinks talkSPORT is the best station ever when the station has his two favourite presenters broadcasting on it. He goes out and spends £100 on a DAB Digital Radio just to listen to them as well as putting the talkSPORT sticker on the window of his car. Then, after both are sacked and move to rivals LBC, he suddenly claims he's got "more important things to do" than worry about talkSPORT, calls you an ignoramus and then does some filing. Then when they're reinstated back on a Monday nights (or whenever talkSPORT decide shows should be aired) he reiterates to you just how important this talkSPORT radio station is. Listener #5: The Anorak This guy listens to every single show on the station from The Sports Breakfast to the John Kearns show. Day, night and even during Christmas and New Year. He knows the schedule off by heart and reads all the unofficial talkSPORT websites. He even has tattoos of Gabriele Marcotti on his arm. He names his kid after the last presenter to broadcast 30 minutes of unscreened during a show and doesn't like any of the other listeners. He also hates his fiancé's brother because he listens to "them". Can be scary. Very scary. Listener #6: The Psycho Doesn't ever listen to talkSPORT anymore and still calls it Talk Radio, even though the station changed its name over 4 years ago. He wears his original 1995 Talk Radio UK t-shirt every day and scowls. Never laughs. Listener #7: The Bizarro Psycho The opposite to above. Always smiles, even after Mike Rutherford has just filled in for Ian Collins for five hours on a Saturday night. Doesn't really like the station that much and spends all his money on booze. Listener #8: The Stalker He goes to the talkSPORT studios for pictures of himself with the station's presenters, who look bloody scared!. He knows everything about the station, but nothing about the other ones. He truly believes talkSPORT are the UK's number one commercial station, and if you can convince him that they aren't he starts to think it must be his fault. He then cries for the next two days listening to recordings of all of his favourite shows. Listener #9: The talkSPORT1089.co.uk Reader The chosen ones. Thanks to Stuart Carrington from Football365.com for the idea of this feature. To be able to read The Nine Types of Football Fan click the title of the article. The Nine Types of talkSPORT Listener By Jason Bourne February 2004 |