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|Answer is Ipswich, The: A competition on a Friday for which Hawksbee & Jacobs, along with Jonathan Beales, play The Answer is Ipswich. The prize on offer is always a computer or games console game.
Bealsey : Jonathan “Bealsey” Beales is the adopted son of the Hawksbee & Jacobs show. He was talent spotted during the early days on The Friday Night Kickabout. He once got stuck in traffic and turned up to report on a game with only 10 minutes left. Bealsey is now a regular on the Fools Panel and The Answer is Ipswich.
Birthday Spread: A simple game that Paul and Andy used to play in the talkSPORT office before bringing it on to the show each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday at 2:30pm. Basically, Andy selects 10 birthday's and Paul guesses their ages. The "spread" element is created by Paul having an aggregate number he can be out on all of the birthday's. Two listeners come to air and decided whether they will be for or against Paul.
Bob from Arbroath: A reference to the average talkSPORT listener called Bob from Abroath. Can also be called Binky Dorkins or any other generic name you can think of off the to of your head.
B.O. Junior: He is the writer and performer of Hawksbee & Jacobs’s theme tune at the beginning of the show every day at 1:00pm. The title of the track by B.O. Junior is “Coffee Pot Part 2”.
Brian Marwood: Brian Marwood is a Sky Sports football commentator whose use of the terms “the likes of”, and “the Chelsea’s, Arsenals and Manchester United’s of this world”, along with his copyright “wide areas” are carefully monitored by Paul and Andy.
Child in a Man's Body: A term used to describe Jonathan Beales, who makes regular appearances on the Friday Hawksbee & Jacobs show for The Fools Panel and The Answer is Ipswich. It is used because of Bealsey's love for computer games.
Christmas Telly: This is a phrase uttered by Paul in the set-up to The Short Straw Poll. It is a reference to the slightly sketchy way in which television viewing figures are compiled each Christmas by taking just ten people’s viewing habits rather than the population as a whole.
Clive Vedmore: He was originally featured on Fisherman’s Blues with Keith Arthur reading the fishing report for the South East coast of Wales. He was dropped by the show but signed on a free transfer for Hawksbee & Jacobs and now Vedmore, who works in the Gary Evans Tackle Centre in Cardiff, can be heard each Friday afternoon giving out “the fishing prospects for the south east coast of Wales”.
Cow Pat Chris: A reference usually made during The Fools Panel on a Friday when the panel are predicting the scores on the weekend's football action. Paul usually asks for listeners at home and in their car to give their predictions as well as those in their tractors referring to Cow Pat Chris.
Cy Saunders: Paul and Andy's oldest listeners. Regularly referred to throughout the show when the lads remember a particular old celebrity or event. The mention will often be followed by "that should keep Cy away from the light".
Doivid: This reference comes from an introduction to former England coach now Sky commentator David Lloyd by Sir Geoffrey Boycott on his talkSPORT cricket show back in the summer months of 2001: “I have Doivid Lloyd on the phoine, Doivid?”
Double-Shep: A complex reference to 2:22pm. It is supposedly where both Paul and Andy lift both legs in the air, in the style of umpire David Shepard who lifts one leg in the air when a batsman is on a total of 111.
Dutch Holland: Joe "Dutch" Holland was producer of Paul and Andy's Sunday Morning Kickabout back in 2000. He later became a cult-overnight presenter on talkSPORT with discussions from the weird and wonderful.
Escalado: The Thursday afternoon horse racing game where five plastic horses are propelled across a mat using a handle. Listeners are invited to send in names of horses based on the main stories of the week. Charlie McCann provides the latest odds and Andrew McKenna provides live commentary from the course.
Ex’s, The: The is in reference to former talkSPORT presenters including Tony Hale, Simon Stainrod, Jon Driscoll and his Sunday Sporting Lunch and Claire Furlong’s imaginatively titled “Final Furlong”.
Fatty Feltz: A reference to television and BBC London broadcaster, newspaper columnist and Andy Jacobs' arch-nemesis and point of constant criticism Vanessa Feltz.
Fools Panel, The : A Friday regular at 2:30pm when Paul, Andy, Dants, Gilo, a former professional footballer and listener take turns to forecast the weekend’s big games in the Premiership. You get three points for guessing the correct score and one point for the outcome.
Fred Trueman: A regular to the 3:55pm archive audio slot on the show. The classic clips from Fred’s taped adventures of his life in and out of the game have borne such phrases as “this man was being so blasé I had to hit him in the mouth and he had to be carried off“, “the odd bird” and “I know I owe the game!” Sadly, Fred died in 2006 but was a true legend of cricket and the Hawksbee & Jacobs show.
Gerald Harper: The smooth talking former talkSPORT presenter. He is now part of the “The Links of Gerald Harper” series on the Hawksbee & Jacobs show. Gerald took over from the Wrestling show and the transition was seamless:."Frank Sinatra - Not the Ears". Also referred to as “Gerard Harpier” when trying to bring the topic back to sport.
Ian “Dants” Danter: A regular contributor to the show providing sketches and parody songs. He is also a member of The Fools Panel team with his theme music being “Crazy Nights” by KISS. Danter is part of a tribute act to KISS known as Dressed to Kill and also presents Kick-Off each Friday night on talkSPORT.
Ian Danter Challenge, The: Each week, the caller to The Fools Panel gives Ian Danter a set challenge to provide a comedy sketch on a topical sports story. In the past, he has parodied Jamie Carragher’s call to Adrian Durham by replacing Carragher with Kevin Pietersen and Durham with Jack Bannister as presenter.
If You're Listening: Usually said by Paul when Andy has made up a terrible lie about a person just for the sake of a gag on the Birthday Spread. It refers to the time on The Sports Breakfast when Alan Brazil told Mike Parry that he was to hear that John Shaw had passed away. Parry corrected Brazil and told him that his name was in fact John Thaw. Brazil then told Parry that he was always getting his name wrong and then apologised by saying on-air: "John, if you're listening, sorry about that."
Jeremy Silverstone Memorial Toss, The: A listener who sent in a coin, to be tossed in his name, for Sport or Nought. He has his own radio show on a Jewish radio station in London and apparently made an appearance on the show with Hawksbee & Jacobs a couple of years ago.
Johnny Nash: A reference made to an extraordinary newspaper article that is lacking the information necessary to illustrate the entire story, such as articles found in The Sun and the Daily Star.
Keeping Cy Saunders Away from the Light: A reference to Andy's ancient cultural references only understood and recongised by one of Hawksbee & Jacobs more senior listeners Cy Saunders.
Kenny Ball Story, The: A mythical or perhaps otherwise unbroadcastable story concerning jazz musician Kenny Ball. It is a story only likely to be revealed on the final Hawksbee & Jacobs broadcast in the distant future in 2037 when the new owners decide to turn talkSPORT in the UK's only commercial tap-dancing radio station.
Mantra: The short introduction played each day before the 3:55pm archive slot and often accompanied by the likes of Chuck Mangione, Frank Zappa and Pat Metheny. Typical examples include Peter O’Sullivan’s Calvados for Breakfast (a reference to a French trainer who used to “imbibe in the morning”) and the painfully long list of titles won by John Newcombe on the disc “Tennis with John Newcombe”: Wimbledon Champion, twice Davis Cup Champion, twice French Open Doubles Champion, and the Winner of the World Championship of Tennis". Apparently Paul thinks there is no such thing!
Marning!: Paul's attempt to do an impression of talkSPORT's Alan Brazil who usually shouts "Marning!" when addressing callers who phone-in to The Sports Breakfast's Transit Hour.
Mike Bovill: A regular talkSPORT sports reporter and sampler of exotic food for Hawksbee & Jacobs. These include Sheep’s Testicles “gobbled them down like Pringles” said Paul, sickly sweet Strawberry marshmallow fluff from America and most memorably his attempt on the World Raw Onion Eating Record. The only time he wasn’t invited into the studio for a tasting session was when George Foreman popped in to cook prime Scottish fillet on his lean, mean grilling machine.
Murray Mercovich: A listener who, like Jeremy Silverstone, sent in a coin for use on Sport or Nought but instead sent a bigger and more expensive coin. However, it seems that Jeremy Silverstone has returned to his normal slot on Sport or Nought every Monday on Hawksbee & Jacobs.
Norman Collier: A reference to the comedian Norman Collier's voice when a caller or guest is speaking and then the phone-line breaks up or the line goes dead.
Ohhh , What a Screamer!: A clip of former talkSPORT commentator Jim Proudfoot describing a player scoring a goal during a commentary game. It is usually played as a camp or gay reference.
Off Colour: A term used by Paul Hawksbee when referring to items that maybe of post-watershed nature, including emails and text messages from irate listeners who want the guys taken off the air. Somtimes referred to as a "blue" email or text message by Andy Jacobs.
One for the Teenagers: A sarcastic reference to a comment, either by Paul or Andy, which will not be understood by anyone under the age of 40, except by veteran listener Cy Saunders of course!
One Size Fitz Hall: A weekly competition in which listeners are invited to come up with nicknames for stars of sport and beyond. The game is named after former Crystal Palace and current Wigan Athletic centre-half Fitz Hall who is known in the dressing room as "One-Size".
Owzat: A popular Cricket dice game played on Thursday during the cricket season with teams made up of topically themed celebrities suggested by the listeners. Overseen by Umpires Andrew McKenna or Mike Bovill with a Twenty20 Cup style soundtrack.
P, The: He is The Ploughman’s successor. Known as The “VP” during The Ploughman’s reign before being promoted to “P“. Has never actually been heard by the audience even when eating insects for charity.
Pearson About: A regular game involving listeners guessing a geographical destination from clues given by talkSPORT presenter Nigel Pearson, voiced by Ian Danter. Regular contributors include Gary Stevens and Graham Courtney from Football First and Evening Kick-Off.
Pele: Pele in company with Sergio Mendes sings the music that accompanies The Birthday Spread each day at 2:30pm. The worlds greatest ever player even sang along live to the song during a recent interview with the Paul and Andy earlier in 2006 when they played it on-air.
Pie: This is heard at the end of every Hawksbee & Jacobs show. It was uttered by former Wales fishing captain and Friday regular Clive Vedmore. Outraged by the lads’ micky-taking, Clive got so worked up he tried to sign off with an indignant “bye” but the word just came out wrong.
Ploughman, The: He is the former producer of the show. With his distinct south-east London accent and love of Charlton, he was a firm favourite before retiring to become a building surveyor in Cornwall. The nickname originated from his love of pub lunch, and the 10 pints that went with it, rather than farming.
Prostate Special: This is a clip on the talkSPORT Clips of the Week on a Friday that was heard by Andy usually during the middle of the night on the Mike Mendoza or Charlie Wolf shows. He hears these clips because he is often up in the middle of the night and flicks on talkSPORT to acompany him whilst sorting things out!
Romford Branch: A reference to someone's career taking a sudden nosedive. It was based on an email sent to the show a few years ago with someone claiming that if their employer wanted to get rid of an employee they sent them to the obscure branch in Romford which meant their career never recovered.
Short Straw Poll: This is where Paul and Andy take the pulse of a sporting nation every Friday afternoon at 1.45pm. 10 Listeners are taken to air (not Ayr, the racecourse in Scotland as one listener thought) and asked to comment on the week’s big sporting, talking point occasionally in the style of Mike Parry.
Sorry Lionel: A reference to "Lionel the Angry Chemist" who has a very weak stomach. It is normally said by Paul when Andy tells a grotesque story live on the show.
Steve Bruce’s Murder Mysteries: Abridged and expertly produced by “The P” and read by Gilo, who plays all the parts. These are real books written by Birmingham Manager Steve Bruce and supplied by The Guardian’s amd regular studio guest on the Hawksbee & Jacobs show Martin Kelner.
Stuart in Stanmore: Stuart is a regular caller to the overnights phone-ins such as the Mike Mendoza show and was spotted by Andy on one his frequent visits to the toilet. He has subsequently gone on to feature alongside Gilo in another 3.55pm series “Winning Tactics for Winning Tennis”.
Two Different Stories: This is usually said when Paul or Andy are not sure about something. It is a reference to when Alan Brazil on The Sports Breakfast asked TV critic Gary Bushell how Bob Monkhouse's health was after he died a few months before. Bushell informed Brazil of his death telling him that he had "heard two different stories" about Monkhouses' health and that he had not died.
Wayne: It is the nickname given to assistant producer and semi-professional footballing legend Warren Haughton. He was mistakenly called “Wayne” by a part-time phone operative three years ago and stuck ever since. Warren is currently plying his trade with Barking & East Ham and also had spells at Leicester, Havant & Waterlooville, Woking, Lewes, Tamworth and Tonbridge.
Why?: This is Alan Brazil’s favourite word with it getting an airing almost ever day on the show.
Wind: The word so often screamed by callers in response to Andy’s jokes during the Birthday Spread, resulting in the tumbleweed effect.
Check out Hawksbee & Jacobs on talkSPORT every weekday between 1:00pm-4:00pm following Sportswatch with Andrew McKenna. Please note that none of the definitions above are endorsed or approved by anyone from talkSPORT or UTV Radio.
|Paul Hawksbee and Andy Jacobs host the Hawksbee & Jacobs show each weekday between 1:00pm-4:00pm with radio’s funniest sports show.
From the early days of the Friday Night Kickabout in 1999, the Hawksbee & Jacobs show has grown to become one of radio’s funniest and most entertaining shows found anywhere on the dial. There have been laughs, tears and giggles throughout the years from Andy’s efforts on the Birthday Spread, Anti Niemi on the Clips of the Week and the runners and riders with clerk of the course Andrew McKenna on Escalado and betting from Ian Abrahams.
In recent years, Hawksbee & Jacobs have broadcast their show each weekday
|afternoon having plied their trade at weekends, evenings and drivetime. Some of the most high profile guests on the show include: Pele, Martin Johnson, Gordon Ramsay, Brian Clough, Dickie Bird, Smokin’ Joe Frazier, George Foreman, Colin Jackson, Ray Winstone, Richy Benaud, Steve Waugh and Peter Osgood.
|Hawksbee & Jacobs have been part of talkSPORT folklore for a
number of years going from their original position on The Friday
Night Kickabout through until their current Afternoon Show. As the
years have gone by there have been a number of words and phrases
that you could only associate with the UK's premier comedy sports
duo that is Hawksbee & Jacobs on talkSPORT.
Antti Niemi: A classic all-time talkSPORT clip featuring Arthur Albiston on the station's Scottish Football Phone-In in 2001. A caller argued that the then Hearts goalkeeper Antti Niemi should be picked for the Scotland team despite being born and bred in his native land of Finland.